Beautiful in her eyes
by DeliaJellybean
Summary: This is a Paige POV one off. Takes place at Emily's, directly after the Halloween episode, A Dark Ride. A small glimpse inside the complicated mind of Paige McCullers and her feelings for Emily Fields. (If you enjoyed, please leave a little review. I'd greatly appreciate it :)


It's amazing how different you look at yourself when you are beautiful in someone else's eyes. I've never really thought much about my looks, or myself in general. I hid behind bangs and bravado for a long time. But tonight, as I slipped on that silk jacket and top hat, I think I finally caught a glimpse of the Paige McCullers that Emily sees. And I like her. Earlier tonight, I walked down the stairs to find my girlfriend speechless, which made me feel impossibly giddy. Then she slipped off her coat to reveal her costume. I missed the last stair. I laughed, she laughed, but our eyes conveyed a much more serious emotion. Desire.

No one tells you how deep desire can find it's way inside of you. That it wraps itself around you and pulls you helplessly forward. Emily smiles, my body rises. Emily sighs, my rib cage opens and releases a million tiny heartbeats. I am completely helpless and I don't care.

Emily is so much more than the secrets she's had to keep. She doesn't usually like to talk about herself. But she does with me. She's a terrible singer, but she belts out a tune when the spirit moves her. She loves architecture. She can tell you what period a house was built in, just by it's windows. Not even Spencer Hastings knows that about her.

Speaking of Spencer, I think I may have saved her life tonight. One minute, I'm kissing my gorgeous girlfriend to the hypnotic rhythm of the train. The next thing I know, I'm pulling some lunatic off of Spencer. It all happened so fast , I was acting on pure instinct. My shoulder is sore and my stomach hurts from getting elbowed in the guts, but Spencer is safe…for now. I can't imagine what these girls must have been through. What they still go through. The town calls them The Pretty Little Liars. At first, I thought the same thing. I mean, they were best friends with the girl that made it her mission to torture and break me. I hated them but I don't anymore. Loving Emily makes me see things differently. We all have things we wish we could take back. God knows I do. Maybe now Spencer and I can call it even. I can't help but think about how terrifying tonight was for Aria. That is something you don't easily forget. In my quiet moments, I still vividly remember the way Lyndon's blade felt, cold against the skin of my cheek. The things he said to me, things I can never tell Emily. Will never tell Emily.

I don't make friends easily, but that's changing I hope. Caleb Rivers and I talk. Dating one of the Liars puts you in a special club. Like skating on the edge of disaster, Caleb says. We trade war stories, like how we got our forehead scars. (Him: Sledding accident Me: Chickenpox) He took a bullet for Emily. I feel a special bond with him for that. Toby is distant, but kind I think. I know how protective he is over Emily, so maybe he will soften to me one day.

Emily has nightmares. A lot. I know this because since the night at the cabin, I've spent most nights with her. I slip out of my house after my parents go to bed and ride my bike to Emily's. I slip back in just after dawn. If our parents suspect something, well they certainly haven't said anything. Maybe they know how much we need to be with each other. Maybe they don't care. Let's face it, our parents are hardly the most attentive. Either way, it allows me to be here with her. Sometimes Emily wakes with a start, her forehead damp with sweat. I pull her close, whisper that she's safe, and she clings to me. Her fear is replaced with relief and longing. Sometimes we make love. Other times she pulls my arm around her, locking it down, her face against the flat of my hand. I love the way this feels, like I'm her suit of armor. My face pressed to the back of her neck, she smells of honey, and bergamot and expensive shampoo. I lie there and think of all of the things I never allowed myself to before Emily. Of marriage and maybe even babies, a life outside of Rosewood and its over chlorinated pools. Of big cities and rural farmhouses. Places I could live and love Emily. Happy endings.

It's now the middle of the night, candles are starting to flicker their final flames in their pumpkins, and Emily is actually sleeping peacefully. Maybe it's exhaustion. Maybe the demons that plague her dreams took the night off in honor of the holiday. Either way, I climb in beside her, grateful. As I drift of to sleep, the scent of bergamot and the feel of that silk suit stay fresh in my mind. I slip into dreaming.


End file.
